have faith.

faith |fāθ|
noun
1 complete trust or confidence in someone or something

Everything will work itself out, have faith. What does it mean, to have faith? My dictionary is telling me it is to have complete trust. Okay. I don't have this so called complete trust. I have a lot of difficulty giving up control. One of my biggest weaknesses and fears is not knowing what is coming in the future.

I struggle a lot with my beliefs, because I do not agree with everything I learn. I don't want to give up control of my future! (Not that I really have it in the first place - how often do your plans actually work out exactly as you imagined it would?) But I also struggle a lot because I am ashamed of what others may think. In my mind, I think that non-Christians think of Christians as "innocent no-fun goody-two-shoes". I think, "Hey! That's not true! I can have fun too! I like my individuality, and my sense of adventure!", but then I throw away all my values trying to prove how "cool" I am. What's with that anyway? There's some crazy stigma that has developed against Christians and all religion nowadays. I don't like it.

The Bible tells me Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (NIV, Hebrews 11:1) Well, that's reassuring... I CAN'T SEE IT!! I like this verse though, cause it really does give us the definition of faith. The first part, "to have confidence in what we hope for". I think it is safe to say that I can do that. I hope for many things, as we all do. And to have "assurance about what we do not see", well I guess that goes back to the complete trust idea, right? I don't know what's going to happen, but I have to trust it anyway. So in all, to have faith in God, I should hope that he knows what he is doing, and trust that he is in control. Ultimately, God determines my future. What I can do, is to hope, and to trust him.. to have faith in Him. Damn, that's a tough concept.. but it's doable.

And in Romans, Paul writes, For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed - a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith". (NIV, Romans 1:16-17) I actually only found this verse yesterday, and it didn't really wow me too much. But then as I was going to write this post, I opened my Bible back to this verse again, and it actually blew me away!!! Paul is NOT ashamed, like I am. Why? Because he knows that God will bring him salvation, because he believes. And he is eager to spread this wonderful news to everyone else (whether Jew or Gentile.. aka EVERYONE)! And then he mentions faith!!! God is righteous. So much is revealed in the gospel, and this righteousness is by faith. The righteous.. will live.. by faith.. I don't know if this verse has the same effect on you or not, or any at all. But I am seriously blown away. This is God telling me, "Stephanie, don't be ashamed anymore. Go write your blog post (hehe). I will save you, just have faith."

Writing this post is my version of running around screaming "GOD IS GOOD, GOD IS GOOD!!", which he is. But honestly, doing that would be sooo terrifying. And embarrassing. And quite hilarious, actually.

I'm still not comfortable calling myself Christian {at which point do you feel comfortable classifying yourself, even if you are okay with saying you are a believer and a follower?}, I don't read my Bible or pray as often as I ought to, I don't go around encouraging my peers much, nor am I very strong in my faith. But I will continue to learn, and one day I will God will reveal to me what I am doing, and where I am going.

PS. If you are interested in reading more about my journey, I wrote this in regards to my beginning to explore life with Jesus. This was before I started to really blog, so it's on my tumblr (which I seldom use anymore).